How to survive the festive break!
This time of year, we are bombarded with images of joyful large families, well-dressed, warm and surrounded by incredible decorations, and piles of amazing looking home cooked food and presents or groups of smiley, happy people out partying all night!
If you thrive at this time of year – fantastic!
But is that a true representation of most people’s reality?
What if, you do not have a big family, or do not get on with your family?
What if, you do not have a warm home, or money for presents and excesses of food?
What if, you simple do not have the time or energy to decorate the home, do lots of baking or cooking, or perfectly wrapping presents?
What is the cost of seeing this depiction of the festive period everywhere we look, for weeks leading up to the holidays in December?
Being surrounded by these seemingly perfect families with perfect lives, living in perfect homes can make us feel inadequate, lesser than, not good enough.
But to be truly honest, I have yet to find an adult person who truly loves every aspect of the festive season and finds the whole period an easy breeze!
All too often, we can fall into the trap of feeling pressured to ‘do more’, ‘be more’, ‘spend more’…
Go out more
Go to more parties
Drink more
Eat more
Buy more presents
Buy bigger presents
Cook more
Stay up more
Smile more
Have more fun
Just be more!
And this can lead to anxiety, stress and overwhelm. Not great!
When we really pause to reflect on this time of year – certainly in the northern hemisphere, we are in the depths of winter. When we look around us, nature is slowing down. Leaves have been shed, frosts are more common at dawn, there is little visibly growing.
The earth is resting.
Nature is telling us, inviting us, modelling to us that Winter is a time for stillness, for reflection, for observing, for slowing down. The energy is inwards – not outward; that is for Spring and Summer time.
This time of year, when the days are shorter and the longest night of the year is only a couple of days away, the invitation is to rest.
For many, intuitively we sense this, but are often disconnected from nature, from our inner knowing that we ignore and suppress the desire for quiet and stillness – and yet the popularity of Katherine May’s brilliant book ‘Wintering’ shows that there is a yearning to understand this and connect with the seasonal cycles.
So, if there is a nagging feeling that something doesn’t feel right, or actually a dread or increasing anxiety about how to get through the next couple of weeks, how can we navigate this?
Firstly, know that there is a lot that you can do – the very first step, is to acknowledge that whilst this festive period is portrayed as ‘Merry’ ‘Happy’ and ‘Joyous’ – is can also be a time of high stress, sadness and grief. And that that is ok. This period is whatever it needs to be for you.
And, that we have the choice about how OUR festive period looks like.
We decide.
We decide who we spend our time with.
We decide where we spend time with people.
We decide what we do in that time.
We have a choice.
The most important gift (in my opinion) we can give each other is time; spending time with someone whilst being fully present. And that can be time with ourselves.
When we allow ourselves to acknowledge that this time can be stressful, that we are likely to find certain people/family members difficult to be around and that we have a choice of how to engage, that in itself can be a relief.
So, what does this look like in practice?
Decide who you want to see, do it on your terms. And know it might feel intense, overwhelming and stressful. Decide if you even want to see people, even family – and know that you have a choice to say no! Is it worth the stress?
If you do decide you want to see people; have both an exit strategy and a surrounding self-care plan.
By exit strategy, think of a realistic, feasible back-up plan if you need to leave – eg drive somewhere and don’t drink, so that you are not stranded when there is no public transport. Don’t stay as long or stay in a B&B etc so that you can have your own space.
And if you know this is going to be tough, (which let’s be honest, it probably will be on some level) make sure that before you go, you have time to relax and ground yourself. Even just 20 minutes, for example, just sitting quietly in your favourite comfy chair or bed with a cup of tea in your favourite mug. And then plan something which you find soul nourishing to do for when you get back, something to look forward to. Plan it, make sure it is easy for you to do. Like having something yummy to eat in the freezer, clean clothes to put on, plan a book you want to read or a film to watch to minimise decision making.
Over the coming days and weeks, remind yourself that that we can say no, and that no is a complete sentence.
No.
And that it is ok to say no and to communicate our preferences without guilt – at least to start to practice this.
Prioritise things that help and support you; like having a wind down time for sleeping; trying to have quiet time away from the overstimulation of noise, chatter, crowded spaces. Again, politely and firmly stating what you need.
And finally, reconnect with magic!
When we think to what children love about the festive period (yes of course presents!) but also the magic of how they appear, the imaginings of animals flying through the snowy skies, the sparkling lights in the streets, around houses, in homes.
How can we bring this in, connect with this sense of awe and magic, in a way that works for us? That aligns with our current values. That reminds us of the wonder and magic in the world.
The most important thing is to enjoy a pause, a break and allow ourselves to rest. And know that we matter, we can choose what that looks like.
I wish you a wonderful pause and see you in 2025!